The Costa Rican Cutie

So I'm watching Couples Retreat today and in one of the final scenes, John Favaro's character makes up with his wife, played by Kristen Davis. Anyway, I notice that as the camera is doing that sexy-spin-around the kissing-couple-until-you-wanna-puke move...that Favaro looks like his mouth is grossly salivating every where but Kristen's lips! It was disappointing to say the least. What's this have to do with my dating life? It painfully reminded me of my Costa Rican Cutie.

I met the Costa Rican Cutie online about 8 months ago. This boy was beautiful...I mean Bee-A-uti-FUL!!!
He had the most incredible smile, dimples and his accent.........whoa. So after a few short weeks of talking and a couple pleasant dates, he impresses me with spontaneity. This is definitely something I find attractive in a man. So after a VERY late night at the office, he takes me for a surprise pancake dinner at 1am (I LOVE pancakes....which won  additional points for paying attention!)

Dinner was super fun and I was crushing big time at this point. He was just so cute and funny and easy to talk to and of course he had that "X" factor too! So it was time to say good night and I was a little nervous cuz we were definitely at the first kiss point. There was some major chemistry between the two of us, so I was pretty confident it was going to be good times!

We get to the car and sure enough....he moves in for the kiss. At first it was soft and sweet. "Church Kiss" as defined by Drew Barrymore in Wedding Singer. Suddenly our moment of passion got strange. He put his hands on each side of my face and began licking me! He licked my cheeks, he licked my upper lips, he licked my chin....wet, sloppy, full-tongued licks as if this was the hottest move any man has made on a woman in the history of making-out!

I made several attempts to re-direct him towards my mouth, but he was completely focused on the licking. I have NO IDEA what pleasure was getting out this experience, or if he actually thought I enjoyed having all of my make-up removed via saliva.

So here I am, standing in an IHOP parking lot at 2am with my face in a death-grip by a man who is licking me like a dog! I seriously questioned if I was having an out-of-body experience and at some point began praying that I actually was!

Once I finally pried his hands loose from my face, excused myself due to the late hour and began the confusing drive home, I reflected on how such a handsome, intelligent, exotic man could be so misguided! I literally had to wipe my face down....I was actually glistening from all of the saliva!

Moral of the date: I don't enjoy a taste of the exotic!