The Costa Rican Cutie

So I'm watching Couples Retreat today and in one of the final scenes, John Favaro's character makes up with his wife, played by Kristen Davis. Anyway, I notice that as the camera is doing that sexy-spin-around the kissing-couple-until-you-wanna-puke move...that Favaro looks like his mouth is grossly salivating every where but Kristen's lips! It was disappointing to say the least. What's this have to do with my dating life? It painfully reminded me of my Costa Rican Cutie.

I met the Costa Rican Cutie online about 8 months ago. This boy was beautiful...I mean Bee-A-uti-FUL!!!
He had the most incredible smile, dimples and his accent.........whoa. So after a few short weeks of talking and a couple pleasant dates, he impresses me with spontaneity. This is definitely something I find attractive in a man. So after a VERY late night at the office, he takes me for a surprise pancake dinner at 1am (I LOVE pancakes....which won  additional points for paying attention!)

Dinner was super fun and I was crushing big time at this point. He was just so cute and funny and easy to talk to and of course he had that "X" factor too! So it was time to say good night and I was a little nervous cuz we were definitely at the first kiss point. There was some major chemistry between the two of us, so I was pretty confident it was going to be good times!

We get to the car and sure enough....he moves in for the kiss. At first it was soft and sweet. "Church Kiss" as defined by Drew Barrymore in Wedding Singer. Suddenly our moment of passion got strange. He put his hands on each side of my face and began licking me! He licked my cheeks, he licked my upper lips, he licked my chin....wet, sloppy, full-tongued licks as if this was the hottest move any man has made on a woman in the history of making-out!

I made several attempts to re-direct him towards my mouth, but he was completely focused on the licking. I have NO IDEA what pleasure was getting out this experience, or if he actually thought I enjoyed having all of my make-up removed via saliva.

So here I am, standing in an IHOP parking lot at 2am with my face in a death-grip by a man who is licking me like a dog! I seriously questioned if I was having an out-of-body experience and at some point began praying that I actually was!

Once I finally pried his hands loose from my face, excused myself due to the late hour and began the confusing drive home, I reflected on how such a handsome, intelligent, exotic man could be so misguided! I literally had to wipe my face down....I was actually glistening from all of the saliva!

Moral of the date: I don't enjoy a taste of the exotic!

Facebook Flashback

So today I get a Facebook friend request and I don't immediately recognize the name, but it looks slightly familiar. After wracking my brain, I realize this "friend" is a blast from my past circa 2006. Unfortunately, facebook doesn't have a "night mare date" request, or this guy would fall under it! How he even remembered my name is beyond me to begin with.

I met "facebook friend" on a conservative online dating site (of course). We had a lot in common it seemed. Specifically he was a devoted entrepreneur and I myself extremely passionate about growing and developing my own business. So we started things off pretty chill, with a little lunch date. I was new to the online dating game, so I kept it simple. Lunch went pretty well and we spent the next few days talking on the phone.

We talked mostly about our companies, I was kind've having a difficult time understanding the concept behind his business, which I thought was a little weird. So for our 2nd  date he invited me come meet with some of his business partners and colleagues. They were having a meeting and a guest speaker to learn about advertising and marketing concepts. I was game. I usually try to attend these types of learning opportunities within my own industry and I figured I might pick up a concept or two to apply to my own business.

So I put on my cute business attire, grab my portfolio and pen and get ready to learn. Facebook Friend introduces me to his colleagues who were all very warm and interested in my own business. They also seemed pretty hyped about their guest speaker. It was a small group of about 20, so I was thoroughly introduced to everyone before we got started.

Facebook Friend picked our seats on the 2nd row, but right in the middle with about 4 people on either side of us. I settled in and got ready to take notes. Twelve minutes into the guest speaker I realized I was at an Amway meeting! That's right...2nd date and this genius thought recruiting me to join Amway would warm me up!

Unfortunately, I was trapped! I'm sitting front and center in the room and there was no way to escape without crawling over a row of people. For some reason I had church syndrome and felt paralyzed to stay seated and not disrupt the preacher. I actually sat there for 3and a half HOURS!!!!

So seeing as how the last time I talked to facebook friend, I was chewing him out for tricking me into an Amway meeting, I'm not sure why he thinks I want to be his friend now! Maybe he has a new MLM scheme he thinks I might be interested in this time.

Moral of the date: don't mix business with pleasure on a 2nd date and be thankful for the IGNORE button!

The Drive Thru Ditcher

So a recent sequence of events have demanded that I start my blog back into circulation. I have decided to take on a challenge of 30 dates in 3 months and document the experiences.
So far....it's pretty unbelievable.

I went out with "DTD" about 2 weeks ago to Cheesecake Factory.We met online and found out that his pictures were not exactly accurate representation. We didn't have any chemistry...he seemed pretty serious and non responsive to my playyful, sarcastic nature...boo.

I gave him the polite turn down explanation over the phone the next day that he was a great guy but I wasn't feeling a connection. He proceeded to pursue me over the next two weeks and asking for another chance/date.

So last night, after another request for a date, I informed him that I was driving into LA to drop off some flowers and asked if he wanted to ride along. He eagerly accepted and I picked him at a neutral location.

We made it about 20 minutes into our trip when I stopped off to pick up some food in a drive thru. So far...everything seemed fine...conversation was a little slow, but we caught up on our work life, talked about my birthday weekend adventures, discussed my flower side-work etc ....As I'm pulling up to the speaker to order my food, he says "hey, I'm gonna run in to the bathroom really quick before we get on the road". I told him I would pull around to the door to pick him up.

I get my order, pull around and start to eat. After about 10 minutes of waiting, I start to wonder if this guy's gonna make it. 40 minutes later some gangsta rode up on a bike, went into the bathroom, then came right out. So I open my window and asked him if anybody was in the bathroom when he was in there...he said "NO...why?"......"you're fucking kidding me, right?"

I run inside the restaurant....ask some other guy to go in and look, He opens the door....looks around and...NOPE! I actually got DITCHED BY A DATE IN DRIVE-THRU!!!

I start calling and texting this dude, hoping that by some luck he got picked up by INS and is being shipped across the border at that very moment, hopefully in some very small, non-air conditioned shipping container. I got no response from the texts and the 2 rings then voicemail, which lets you know he was declining my call.

So finally I leave a message....what are you fucking 12?!?!?!? I tell you I'm not feeling it to begin with, so what's the big deal with saying your not down with hanging out...I'll drop you off at your car. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL!!! I've been told guys don't like confrontation, but this has to be the most ridiculous act of avoidance I have ever heard.

Someone please explain to me how I attract these types of guys!