Dating is hard.....sometimes humorous and strange, occasionally fun, but mostly, hard.
Several people have asked me what was the motivation behind my dating blog, so I thought I would set the stage for the original dating disaster story. I had been in a relationship for 4 1/2 years, so I had no idea how much the dating scene had changed...how much guys had changed...how much I had changed..... but I'm finding this all out now....and it all started with a little change!
After the dissolution of my relationship, I was ready. I was undergoing some intense personal therapy and my cousin was a huge help, providing a listening ear around the clock. But after journal therapy and verbal therapy.... I was ready for some alcohol therapy! So me and the cuz were off to the bar to throw down.
It was such an amazing night. The drinks were perfect, the live music was amazing and dance floor was packed! All of the girls were having a great time together. That's when I met this really cute preppy guy. I realized that we were all at the point of inebreation that it was really just a matter of willingness, not so much compatibility...and I was down.
So we headed back to my place for a long over-due heavy petting session. Like a typical guy, he goes straight in for the kill and "whips IT out". I attempted to get my eyes to adjust to the dark, but quickly realized that the roll of quarters I thought I saw....was unfortunately....IT! Mentally I'm asking myself, "what the HELL am I supposed to do with THAT?" I mean, I've heard of being a grower, not a shower, but this was RIDICULOUS. I seriously have tubes of lip gloss that are bigger that this thing. I decide to take the approach that if I ignore it....it will go away! So I re-direct my attention to our make-out session and attempt to pull out some magic moves that would be of interest.
So the making out got a little hot, and apparently this guy thought it was a good time to ask me,
"Do you like to be slapped?"
I responded....
"I'm assuming you mean on my ass.....RIGHT?"
"No baby....WHACK!.....in your face"
"WHAT?!?!?....are you SERIOUS right now?"
WHACK!....Yeah baby.....I know you like that don't you...WHACK!!!
With shocking speed and agility, this guy manages to throw me over his knee, pull my pants down and proceed to SPANK me....like a child!!!! I am so stunned at the last 20 seconds that I start laughing histerically and manage to wriggle off his lap and back into my pants.
"Yeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh....ummmmmm.....I don't think this is going to work out, let me show you the DOOR!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)